you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
