I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
