He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
babies were throwing up all over the place
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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