why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
