remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
