Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
