All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
