how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
