once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
