Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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