why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
