Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
