ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
