We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
