Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
