Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
