she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
