were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
