I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
