I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
