Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
