On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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