Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
