we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
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