her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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