What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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