I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
