I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
