You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
