like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
