ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Houston, we have a squirter
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
