Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
