shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
