you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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