What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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