But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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