I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Still dying that you shit outside
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
