I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
