just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
