Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I could make wine with my vomit
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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