"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
