Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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