i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
