Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
