we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
