I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I want a musical about memes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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