I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
