Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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