im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
