if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
