Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
