fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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