You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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