I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
