So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
